For a guy that has a golf club in New Jersey, had three casinos in New Jersey and has spent lots of time here vacationing—-Trump certainly has New Jersey targeted with tariff terror. But I digress. First things first.
You know what drives me absolutely insane? The price of coffee these days. SEVEN DOLLARS for a cup of coffee! SEVEN! When did we all collectively decide that was okay? “Oh yes, please take my money. In fact, here’s my wallet—just take the whole thing!” With tariffs, that’s gonna be higher, if you notice where we get coffee from —-it ain’t the farms of Hunterdon County.
I remember when coffee was a dollar. A DOLLAR! Now I need to take out a second mortgage just to stay awake in the morning. And the baristas look at you like YOU’RE the asshole when you hesitate at the register. “Sir, is there a problem?” Yeah, there’s a problem! I just paid more for this coffee than my grandfather paid for his first car!
And don’t get me started on these tariffs. “Oh, it’s great for the economy,” they say. Yeah, it’s great if your idea of a healthy economy is everyone eating ramen noodles while wearing the same pair of underwear for a week because they can’t afford laundry detergent!
Trump put America and New Jersey basically in an economic game of chicken with the entire world. “We’ll tax your stuff!” “Oh yeah? Well, we’ll tax YOUR stuff!” Meanwhile, the rest of us are standing in the middle of the road about to get hit by both cars! But sure, let’s celebrate “Liberation Day.” Liberation from what? My money?
You know who’s really getting liberated? The rich guys who sold all their stocks before announcing this stuff. They’re sitting on their Jersey Shore yachts right now, drinking champagne and laughing at the rest of us. “Look at those peasants, trying to figure out how to pay for groceries. Adorable!”
And can we talk about small town grocery stores across the state for a second? Everything’s getting smaller but costs more. They call it “shrinkflation.” I call it “getting youknowwhat without dinner first.” A bag of chips these days has more air than a hot yoga class. Open it up and it’s like, “Surprise! You paid five bucks for three chips and disappointment!”
The other day I went to buy a car in Flemington, my hometown. The salesman hits me with, “Well, with the current tariff market conditions and past supply chain issues…” Supply chain issues? It’s been FOUR YEARS! Fix the goddamn supply chain! What are they doing, having the cars swim across the ocean? Are they being delivered by asthmatic snails?
The dealership had the nerve to call it a “market adjustment fee.” That’s like me mugging you and calling it an “unexpected wealth redistribution experience.” Call it what it is—highway robbery but with better lighting and free mediocre coffee.
And housing in New Jersey? Forget about it. The American Dream used to be owning a home. Now it’s finding an apartment where you don’t hear your neighbor’s toilet flush at 3 AM. I read about a place last week in Jersey City that was essentially a glorified closet with a toilet in the corner—$2,800 a month! The real estate agent called it “cozy urban living.” I call it “paying to live like you’re in prison but with worse food.”
Everyone’s talking about how we need to bring manufacturing back to America. Great idea! Except we’ve spent the last 40 years making sure nobody knows how to make anything anymore. You think we can just flip a switch and suddenly start making our own TVs? The closest most Americans get to manufacturing these days is assembling IKEA furniture, and half of us can’t even do that without having an existential crisis.
Social media doesn’t help either. Everyone’s posting about their “financial freedom journey” while secretly drowning in debt. “Look at my new car!” Yeah, nice lease payment, Todd. We all know you’re eating cat food to afford it. But hey, those Instagram likes will keep you warm at night when they shut off your heat!
You know what’s really crazy? Trump-supporting politicians will stand there with a straight face and tell you this is all part of some grand economic tariff strategy. “Short-term pain for long-term gain!” they say. Yeah, that’s what my dentist says before drilling into my face without enough novocaine. At least he has the decency to give me laughing gas first. Politicians just expect us to smile while they’re drilling into our wallets.
The worst part is we all just take it. We’re like frogs in slowly tariff boiling water. “Oh, my coffee costs a dollar more this year. That’s fine.” “Oh, my rent went up 20%. I’ll just eat less.” At what point do we all collectively lose our minds? When a gallon of milk costs $20? When a roll of toilet paper is the same price as a steak dinner used to be?
So here we are, with Trump tariffs we are paying more for less, working harder for stagnant wages, and pretending everything’s fine. Meanwhile, the people in charge are telling us it’s raining while pissing on our heads. But hey, at least we’ve got our seven-dollar coffee at your local Starbucks to keep us awake through the Trump tariff nightmare, right?
Right? Anyone? Is this mic on?
President Donald Trump’s tariffs have had a significant impact on businesses and consumers in New Jersey. The tariffs, which were implemented as part of the administration’s efforts to protect American industries and jobs, have led to a significant increase in costs for many companies in the state.
One of the industries that has been hit particularly hard by the tariffs is the manufacturing sector. Many manufacturers in New Jersey rely on imported materials and components to produce their products, and the tariffs have led to a sharp increase in the cost of these inputs. As a result, many companies have been forced to raise their prices, making it more difficult for them to compete in the global marketplace.
In addition to higher costs for manufacturers, consumers in New Jersey have also felt the impact of the tariffs. The increased costs for imported goods have led to higher prices for a wide range of products, from electronics to clothing to household goods. This has put a strain on many households in the state, particularly those with lower incomes.
Overall, the tariffs imposed by the Trump administration have had a negative impact on the economy in New Jersey. Many businesses are struggling to absorb the higher costs, and consumers are feeling the pinch as prices continue to rise. As the trade war between the United States and its trading partners continues, it remains to be seen how long-lasting the effects of these tariffs will be on the state’s economy.
